I want to just scream from the highest point, shout across the biggest field, I want to have them understand. Quietly talking isn't getting it through, the actions taken aren't helping them learn it. I don't know how to go radical with it...if I did I would. To hear a friend not understand it breaks me, it makes me hurt deep down...not saying its my fault that they don't get it, but the effects of not understanding. How can they not understand His love? How can they overlook His presnce? Why does it seem easier to deny Him then actually accept that He is there to love and guide them?
I don't do the whole religion thing...I'll never call myself religious, but I have a growing relationship with the Creator, I am friends with the man who died on a cross for my sins, I am the daughter of the Most High, I enjoy chilling with the Holy Spirit. I desire to give up everything of mine to follow Him, not saying that I always do.
I want to serve and follow but a lot of times my human-ness creeps in. It sings lies to me and I lose the beautiful melody God was playing and the mix doesn't happen, only one song can play. I'm the Dj that decides how it all should go, whether it should sound good breifly then spiral downwards to an annoying screech and gnashing sounds or if there should be a slow start and a victorous beautiful finish.
How frustrated I got with myself when my hand was sprained and had to be placed in a cast for a while. I wanted to use it so bad, I then realized how much i had used it before and how much I wanted it...not saying I needed it, because frankly I could live without it even if it would change everyting. I felt the the cast and still tried to use the hand inside the cast...but it hurt each little movement sent a shock of pain through out the arm. Using it as it was still healing was not only bad for itself but also for the parts around it, this all made em think of me and God. I am a broken hand...I havent healed from my fall yet... athough I can do somethings it can hurt if i try to do too much, and not only will it hurt me but also the ones im connected with...as God takes off the bandages I am still showing the effects of the fall..still bruised in some spots and hurt in other spots when it is talked about... but just as my hand has gotten back to better..in fact the hand feels better than before the fall...God will make me completely healed and useable... He will allow me to help out with the task ahead.
So i realized this all is random and well thats how my brain works....random thoughts constantly flying around. You can call me ADD, but i'll tell you one thing, i pick up on a lot because of my lack of focus, and i can focus if i need too. God made me this way for a reason, so if you don't like it well thats your problem.
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