Fighting For The Life....

Can You Feel It Hardening Too?
No Longer Fighting To Hold Onto You
Listening To The Shouting Lies
Allowing The Cold, Blindness To Set In The Eyes
My Heart Is Tired And Weary
The Coming Days Just Oh So Dreary
A Sickness So Deep
I Lay Awake And Weep
Why Don't Mend?
Can't You See I'm Trying To Rend?
Where Are You When I Feel Alone?
Why Don't You Answer My Spirit's Groan?
So You're Here, But I Don't Let In
I'm Too Consumed With My Sin.
I Don't Feel Like Letting Go.
I Don't Want To Let My Pain Show
Sweetly Broken Is Definately Not Me
A Gross Flow Of Emotion Is What I See
The Hardening Continues To Spread
Because Of The Voices In My Head
How Do I Quiet Them Forever?
Deeper And Deeper They Sever
I Can't Keep Fighting So Hard
It Leaves Me Hurting And Scarred
I'm Left Here Crying
Wanting My Flesh To Be The One Dying
Stop The Ache!
I Don't Know How Much More I Can Take....

My God's Bigger Than Your Sin

I was so little, so Small
still a baby
but for you it meant nothing at all
I was so mild,
and so meek.
And you took advantage
of the fact that I was weak
I was so young
just barely three
how could you?
How dare you take advantage of me!
The effects lasting long
the trauma so deep
haunts me while awake
and terrorizes my sleep
I am so broken
so hurt to the core
do you understand the
effects I had to endure
never feeling safe
Afraid of who to trust
Not understanding the differences
between love and plain old lust
I struggle daily to find beauty
Always feeling the dirt of your sin
the emotional scars
but you'll never win
you may have taken my innocence
for a bit of lust
But you see
My Jesus is the one I can trust
He's the one who calls me his child
And wipes away the many tears
Holds me close at night
and fights away those fears
Your actions broke me down
made me hurt something strong
But my God promises
it wont hurt for long
So I give you to Him
allow His justice to take place
and try to get rid of the bitterness
I feel when I see a picture of your face
You may have hurt me
But we all sin great
I forgive you for it
and I'm trying not to hate
My God's bigger than your sin

ramblings of the heart

Lord I'm Cry Out
And I Can't Hear Your Voice
My Words Bounce Off These Walls
Shattering The Silence And
Allowing The Wound To Open Again
Like A Scavenger I Pick Thru
Trying To Find Something Of Worth In Me
But My Hands Are Already Filthy
Infecting The Wound Yet Again
In Desperate Need Of A Healer
Yet I'm Trying To Be All I Need
How Do I Expect To Hear You Over My Screams?
When Will I Let You Back Into This Room?
Why Are You Screaming Too?
So Many Questions
I Have No Answers But Pretend I Know It All
Lord Break The Walls
I'm Scared But Ready To Let Go Again
So Here's My Wounded Infected Heart
But I Can't Stop The Screaming Soul
Help Me Kill The Flesh Around
Let Me Lay Upon That Altar Once More
Allow Me To Take The Pounding Weight Off
Carry My Cross Because It's Breaking My Shoulders
I Can't Fight This Battle Alone
The Enemies Are Already Inside
All I Have Left Is My Crying To You
Be The Healer I Know You Are
Take Your Soldier Back
Stop The Bleeding And Train Me Up
I Need Your Knowledge And Power To Prevail
I'm Begging For Your Mercy
I'm Pleding For Your Grace
You've Never Forsaken Me
Yet I Still Wander And Do Things On My Own
Hold My Heart Close As It Breaks Apart
Let It Tune Back To The Rythm Of Yours
Let Me Go Again As Your Servant
Proclaiming How Great Of A Master
And Father and Lover You Truely Are
Here I Am Lord, Send Me!