Sometimes I can’t get my brain
To fall into place
I try to close my eyes
And slow my heart rate to the pace
Of the sounds pumping in my ears
Desperately pleading internally
To let go of these fears
To rise above it all
To look in the mirror
And fucking get that
It’s truly me
So I blink twice, add a hat
But I’m still not me yet
Bend myself over the sink
Splash some water
On my face and take a drink
Repeating the date over again
Sometimes it’s hard to explain
How much I fight to be to present
To be able use both body and brain
Rub my eyes and shake my head
Try to remove the haze
Trace my hand up my arm
Count the letters in the tattoos
Internal voices rage as I fight
Pleading with myself
“Please just let me be, alright”
I struggle whether to sit or stand
If I sit they surely will win
I feel my fist ball up
But it’s like I’m not there at all
Pain surges as I watch the knuckles bleed
“Was this what you need?”
There’s a laugh
A response echos from my throat
“Didn’t you like it though?”
The fight has removed itself from
My mind and onto the door
Slamming my head
Feeling the wood as it hits the pores
I shake, there’s a scream
“Hush now kiddos it’s okay”
Internal ushers move them away
Out of sight, but still in this
Wretched mind
Peace isn’t something I easily find
A voice bellows out from the depths
“Enough of this nonsense”
I crack my neck, smooth my shirt
And rise once more
I hear the music again
Blasting through my headphones
I look at the time and move on
There’s too much to do today...
