Beauty

When I say you are beautiful

I mean that you move me

Like a pebble tumbling through the sea

You capture my attention

Like ivy crawling up a cobblestone cottage

I dream of the intertwining of limbs

When I say you are stunning

I mean like a flash of lightening

Over a valley on a crisp spring evening 

Your edges so fierce and powerful

Set apart from the background of our sheets

When I say you are sweet

I mean like a field of flowers 

On a cool summer day

Your breath breezes my neck 

And I’m lost in your scent 

When I say you are lovely

I mean your eyes are like embers

Glistening and glowing

Sparking and crackling the fire that dances from the way you smile 

When I say you are delightful

I mean I am lost and found at the same time

Like a waterfall your love surges up 

And pours over me like I’m the bank edges below

When I say you are enticing

I mean that all the moments 

That I have experienced that are so pleasant 

Pale in comparison 

I mean that I can’t adequately use my senses

Or any words I know

To explain how you captivate my being

Drawing me in with wonder and joy

You are beautiful, you are sweet

You are stunning, you are lovely

You are enticing, you are delightful

The mirror isn’t me

Sometimes I can’t get my brain

To fall into place

I try to close my eyes

And slow my heart rate to the pace

Of the sounds pumping in my ears

Desperately pleading internally

To let go of these fears

To rise above it all

To look in the mirror

And fucking get that

It’s truly me

So I blink twice, add a hat

But I’m still not me yet

Bend myself over the sink

Splash some water 

On my face and take a drink

Repeating the date over again

Sometimes it’s hard to explain

How much I fight to be to present

To be able use both body and brain 

Rub my eyes and shake my head 

Try to remove the haze

Trace my hand up my arm

Count the letters in the tattoos

Internal voices rage as I fight

Pleading with myself

“Please just let me be, alright”

I struggle whether to sit or stand

If I sit they surely will win

I feel my fist ball up

But it’s like I’m not there at all

Pain surges as I watch the knuckles bleed

“Was this what you need?”

There’s a laugh

A response echos from my throat

“Didn’t you like it though?”

The fight has removed itself from 

My mind and onto the door

Slamming my head 

Feeling the wood as it hits the pores

I shake, there’s a scream

“Hush now kiddos it’s okay”

Internal ushers move them away

Out of sight, but still in this 

Wretched mind

Peace isn’t something I easily find 

A voice bellows out from the depths

“Enough of this nonsense”

I crack my neck, smooth my shirt

And rise once more

I hear the music again

Blasting through my headphones

I look at the time and move on

There’s too much to do today...